The adventures of people with too much spare time
by Sceptic01
Summary: Co-written with ChoChanger and TheWicca. You'll like this if you enjoy reading slightly odd fanfics. It's just for fun. ;-)


This is a story my friends and I made up. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They belong to JRR Tolkien. Blah, blah, blah. and on with the story.  
  
Chapter 1 - The elf whose name was Legolas  
  
Legolas stood up  
  
"Damn ladder"  
  
"Serves you right for showing off" Smirked Frodo  
  
"Can I help it if I'm beautiful?"  
  
"Yes" Said Sam, with his mouth full of rock cake  
  
"Sam! Stop eating our rations!" Yelled Frodo  
  
"Cake? What cake? Who said anything about cake?" Said Sam, spraying cake crumbs all over the assembled company  
  
"Say it don't spray it dude!" Legolas, brushing the crumbs out of his long, delicate golden hair. "You've ruined my look dude! Now I'll never get the part of the new Pantene Pro V model!"  
  
"Oi! Elf girl!" Called a voice from the shadows  
  
"Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just because I have long, beautiful, delicate hair and a pretty face does not mean I'm a girl!"  
  
"Yeah whatever Elf girl" Said Pippin strutting in looking smug, closely followed by Merry  
  
"What do you do if you see a space man?"  
  
Legolas: Oo  
  
Aragorn: Oo  
  
Frodo: Oo  
  
Sam: Oo  
  
"Park in it man! Hahahahahahahahahaha!"  
  
"Err, quite" said Frodo rolling his eyes  
  
"Merry get up off the floor will you" Said Aragorn, to the hysterical Hobbit, "And will somebody please move that damn ladder!"  
  
"I don't get it" Said Legolas  
  
"It's not that hard to understand Elf girl" said Pippen, "You pick the ladder up, and you move it across."  
  
"I didn't mean that you stupid hobbit. I meant the joke"  
  
"Who care about the stupid joke, we're in the middle of a crisis here. The whole of Middle earth is on the brink of destruction!" Said Gandalf appearing from nowhere because someone needs to say this line.  
  
"Why?" Asked Sam, sneaking some more cake out of Frodo's bag  
  
"Because Salron knows about the Ring"  
  
"What ring?" Asked Legolas. Now jewelry was being discussed he was interested again "What make is it? Gold or silver? If it's gold it will go with this gorgeous new autumn elven cloak I got, mind you, gold might clash with my hair"  
  
"Heaven forbid" Muttered Frodo  
  
"But silver" Continued Legolas, totally oblivious to everyone else's glazed looks of boredom "Would look fantastic with."  
  
"IT'S NOT FOR YOU ELF GIRL!" Yelled Gandalf waking everyone up  
  
"Alright, keep your hair on!" Said Legolas highly offended " I was only saying."  
  
"Elf girl, I think you're old enough to take this now" Said Pippen. He took a deep breath and looked Legolas in the eye "No one cares man!"  
  
"Ha! So I am a man!" Said Legolas triumphantly  
  
"Huh?" Said Merry  
  
"I thought you were an elf" Said Sam rejoining the group now that the food was gone.  
  
Well, half of it was lying on the ground in crumbs thanks to Sam's habit of talking while eating but he wasn't reduced to picking that up. Not yet anyway. Give it a few minutes.  
  
"I am an elf" Said Legolas defensively, "But I'm a male elf. Not a GIRL!" He shouted at the still grinning Pippen.  
  
"What were you saying about the ring Gandalf?" Asked Frodo, sucking up as usual  
  
"It's not just - the ring! It's - the Ring."  
  
"Is it the one in that film about the video tape where everyone screams a lot then dies?" Asked Merry  
  
"No not that ring" Replied Gandalf  
  
"I saw that movie! It was really scary." Said Legolas. (In truth he had only seen the first five minutes - he'd had to turn it off because the phone rang.)  
  
"Yeah, don't you love the bit where."  
  
"Will you shut up!" Said Gandalf angrily "Its not that ring. It's Salron's Ring."  
  
"Has he lost it then?" Asked Merry  
  
"Are we going to help him find it?" Asked Legolas  
  
"No. I know where it is." Said Gandalf but Pippin interrupted him.  
  
"Why don't you give it back to him then?"  
  
"Yeah. He's probably looking for it" Agreed Merry  
  
Gandalf rolled his eyes. Sometimes Hobbits could be incredibly stupid  
  
"We're not going to give it back to him." Said Legolas slowly "We're going to get it and see if it goes with my."  
  
Gandalf quickly added 'vain elves' to his list of stupid races and said loudly,  
  
"Legolas - shut up, Hobbits - pay attention, Aragorn." Gandalf paused "Err. Stand over there looking bored and Sam - stop eating those crumbs and listen to me. This is what we're going to do." 


End file.
